Brainspotting for Grief: Healing After Loss with Compassion
by Erin Burton LCSW, Certified Brainspotting Therapist – Serving California & Oregon
Grief is an intrinsic part of the human experience, a natural response to losing someone or something significant. This emotional suffering is a testament to the depth of our connections and attachments. When we lose a loved one, end a meaningful relationship, or face a significant life change, grief emerges as a powerful, often overwhelming force. It is crucial to understand that grief is not a sign of weakness but rather an indication of the love and bond we shared.
The process of grieving is unique to each individual, and there is no right or wrong way to experience it. Some may find themselves engulfed in sorrow immediately, while others might experience a delayed reaction. The intensity and duration of grief can vary widely; some might feel profound sadness for weeks, while others may endure months or even years of emotional turbulence. Recognizing that grief is a highly personal journey can foster patience and self-compassion during this challenging time.
Acknowledging grief as a natural response to loss helps normalize the complex emotions that accompany it. Society often pressures individuals to "move on" quickly, but such expectations can hinder the healing process. By allowing ourselves to grieve fully and at our own pace, we honor our feelings and provide the space needed for genuine healing. Understanding the nature of grief is the first step toward navigating its waves and finding a path to recovery.
Grief has a way of hitting us like a wave we never saw coming—one moment we’re standing, the next we’re underwater, unsure which way is up. As an LCSW who specializes in trauma and grief, and as someone who has personally experienced profound loss-including humans and animals, I know how disorienting and isolating those waves can feel.
I lost my 17-year-old chihuahua, Frisco, in 2024. He was with me through some of the hardest chapters of my life, and saying goodbye to him felt like losing a piece of my heart. The day after we put him down, I received a Brainspotting session with an excellent therapist. I can say without exaggeration—it was one of the most profound therapeutic experiences I’ve ever had.
I sat in my grief, fully held and attuned to, and allowed the memories, images, and emotions to come. At one point, I pictured Frisco being held by my maternal grandmother—already on the other side—and there was something deeply comforting about that image. I cried and I let the pain move through me. Brainspotting didn’t make my grief disappear, but it allowed me to feel into it with support, safety, and a sense of connection I desperately needed. I genuinely don’t think I would have moved through that chapter in the same way without it.
This is why I do the work I do.
Whether you’re grieving a loved one, a relationship, a chapter of life, or a companion animal who was family, your grief deserves space, care, and attunement. Here are some compassionate, grounded ways to navigate your healing—drawing from both professional understanding and lived experience.
Understanding Grief: A Natural, Human Response
Grief isn’t a problem to fix; it’s a natural response to losing someone or something meaningful. It’s a reflection of love. And it doesn’t follow rules.
You might feel sadness one moment and numbness the next. You might feel relieved and then guilty for feeling relieved. You might feel intensely present or completely disconnected. Grief is not linear, predictable, or tidy—and that’s okay.
One of the most healing things we can do is simply acknowledge grief as it is, rather than how we think it should be.
The Waves and Stages of Grief—Without the Pressure
The concept of the stages of grief was introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her groundbreaking work on death and dying. She identified five stages that many people experience as they process loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not linear, and individuals may move back and forth between them or experience them in a different order. Understanding these stages can provide a framework for recognizing and managing your emotional responses. While these can give us language, they’re not meant to be a step-by-step checklist. Most people move back and forth between stages, skip some, or experience multiple at once.
Grief isn’t a straight line. It's more like a tide: it rises, it falls, it pulls us under, and eventually, it brings us back to shore.
Common Emotional Reactions: You’re Not “Doing It Wrong”
Grief can stir up so many emotions:
Sadness and longing
Anger at the situation, others, or even yourself
Guilt or “what if” loops
Fear about the future
Loneliness, even in a room full of people
Relief, which is often misunderstood but completely valid
You’re not broken for feeling any of these things. You’re human.
How Grief Shows Up in the Body
Grief doesn’t just live in our minds—it lives in our bodies. You may notice:
Trouble sleeping
Changes in appetite
Fatigue or heaviness
Headaches, muscle tension, or stomach aches
Weakened immune system
Your body is doing its best to carry something incredibly heavy. Gentle care—rest, water, support—matters.
Healthy Ways to Cope (That Don’t Require You to “Move On”)
Healing doesn’t come from pushing grief away; it comes from giving it space. Some supportive coping tools include:
Mindfulness or grounding practices
Gentle movement like stretching, walking, or yoga
Journaling to organize emotional chaos
Connecting with loved ones or support groups
Creative expression—painting, writing, music, photography
And of course, therapeutic support—especially trauma-informed modalities—can make a profound difference.
How Brainspotting Helps With Grief
As someone who uses Brainspotting regularly with clients (and personally benefited from it after losing Frisco), I’ve seen how powerful it can be for processing grief.
Brainspotting helps by:
Allowing you to stay connected to the emotional experience
Giving your body space to process the “stuck” parts of grief
Helping images, sensations, and memories surface naturally
Providing deep regulation through the therapist’s attuned presence
Supporting both relief and emotional release
In my own Brainspotting session, I didn’t talk much. The healing came from allowing my body and brain to finally process what words can’t always reach.
When to Seek Professional Support
Therapy is helpful when:
You want a space to fully process your loss with guidance
Grief is interfering with daily functioning
You feel stuck, numb, or overwhelmed
You’re withdrawing from relationships
You’re experiencing physical symptoms that don’t improve
You don’t need to hit a breaking point to ask for help. You deserve support simply because you’re hurting.
Creative Expression: A Non-Verbal Path to Healing
Grief is emotional, but it’s also sensory and physical. Sometimes words don’t touch the core of the experience. Creative outlets like art, movement, music, or writing can offer relief, expression, and meaning in ways talking alone can’t.
Long-Term Healing: Honoring the Past While Living in the Present
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to live with the love in a new way.
Some long-term supports include:
Creating rituals or memorials
Continuing activities that connect you to your loved one
Finding purpose through service or creativity
Staying connected to supportive people
Allowing yourself to feel joy again—without guilt
Grief changes us. But it can also open us, soften us, and remind us how deeply we are capable of loving.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
Grief is a profound and transformative journey, one that reshapes our lives and our understanding of the world. It is a testament to the depth of our love and connections, and while it brings immense pain, it also offers opportunities for growth and healing. Navigating the waves of grief requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to embrace the full spectrum of emotions that accompany loss. Whether your grief is fresh, returning, or quietly lingering in the background, it deserves attention, compassion, and care. As you navigate the waves of grief, remember that healing is a continuous process. There will be moments of intense pain, but there will also be moments of joy, connection, and new beginnings. Embracing the journey of grief and healing means honoring the past while being open to the future. It is about finding a way to carry the memory of what has been lost while creating a life filled with meaning and hope. If you’re curious about Brainspotting for grief, or you’re looking for a therapist who understands both the professional and personal sides of loss, I’m here.
You don’t have to “move on.”
You don’t have to be strong.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.
You simply deserve support as you learn to breathe again.
Your healing—just like your grief—matters.
If you’re curious about Brainspotting in Scotts Valley or Los Gatos, California, or virtually throughout California and Oregon, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can explore whether this powerful, body-based therapy is the right path for your journey through grief.
About the Author
Erin is a certified Brainspotting therapist providing in person therapy in Scotts Valley, and Los Gatos, California and virtually throughout California and Oregon. She also provides in person Brainspotting Intensives in Santa Cruz County and Los Gatos, California area. She is trained in trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to heal faster.